In the life of any person there are emotions such as sadness, melancholy or sadness. Only hardened cynics who coolly react to any manifestations directed against morality do not experience them. Despair is unknown to such subjects, but there are many more sensitive people in society.

The causes of despair may lie in the following life situations and characteristics of human character:

• unrequited love. As you know, all ages are submissive to her. Even rebellious bachelors cannot deny the fact that they have been seriously infatuated with another person at least once in their lives. The happiest people are narcissists because their self-adoration will always be rewarded. In the movie “Big Change” the song “We choose, we are chosen, how often this does not coincide” was performed, which immediately became loved by the people. Even the strongest person can be broken by unrequited love. Additional suffering for a desperate person can be brought by the happy eyes of the object of passion, which are directed in a completely different direction.
• Betrayal of a loved one. If you do not take into account convinced swingers, then betrayal can be a significant blow for one of the partners. However, it is not only physical betrayal with another person that can drive the victim of betrayal into despair. Sometimes a careless or intentional word can actually bring more trouble than an actual action. A secret told to a stranger or lack of support from a loved one in difficult times can lead a person into a state of deep disappointment, which is close in nature to despair.
• Collapse of hopes. Sometimes we plan the impossible because we consider ourselves generators of brilliant ideas and natural leaders. Loving yourself is not forbidden, but a sense of proportion should always be present when analyzing your further actions. The result in this case is always sad: broken hopes and immersion in a world of painful despair.
• Loss of a significant person. The death of loved ones is always a difficult test for the psyche. Not everyone is able to withstand this, because the mechanism of despair automatically turns on. Separation from a loved one without the prospect of a further meeting can lead to the same state.
• Inveterate selfishness. This concept should not be confused with hedonism, when a person puts life’s pleasures above all else. By caring first of all about themselves, people of this type can then readily help others. Such lively people radiate so much energy that they are always surrounded by a large number of friends. Egoists who pity, pamper and cherish themselves exclusively from morning to night very often become gloomy and bilious loners. Human nature is such that we want not only to give, but also to receive in return. Anyone who loves only to disinterestedly share everything is either a blessed person or an altruist at the very peak of self-denial. As a result, the egoist becomes completely confused because he is left completely alone. The result is a plunge into despair, which can develop into persistent depression.
• Dullness of the soul. For people with a clear position in life, periods of despair do not drag on because the instinct of self-preservation is triggered. An amorphous person readily surrenders himself to be torn apart by fate and circumstances. His main self-justification is the confidence that fate will still overtake him always and everywhere. It is easier for such a fatalist to plunge into a whirlpool of despair than to fight for his life.
• Severe and incurable disease. This misfortune can overtake both the person himself and his loved ones. In this case, people are overcome by despair, the nature of which is understandable to anyone. There is no need to say much here, because such a life situation can be beyond the capabilities of even the strongest spirit.

Important! Psychologists insist that in all of these cases you should consult a specialist. A person in despair is a direct prerequisite for suicide or mental disorder.

Types of despair in humans

Strange as it may sound, there are different types of despondency and despair. The most striking manifestations of this mental shock include the following types:

1. Despair-challenge. About such people Stefan Zweig said that “great despair always gives rise to great strength.” Such individuals do not need the help of psychologists, since the described state of mind in them is a temporary phenomenon.
2. Despair-weakness. Hypochondriacs with a lazy soul love to be in a state of chronic depression. They need to suffer like air and find themselves with a hundred non-existent diseases. Weakness in this case leads their life into complete immersion in despair. The help of a psychotherapist with this problem is needed only if the person secretly does not enjoy self-torture.
3. Despair as an established system. The famous writer Albert Camus once argued that “the habit of despair is much worse than despair itself.” There are people-programs who enter a certain state and do not make any attempts to change the current situation.
4. Complete despair. This type of mental breakdown is the most dangerous. It is accompanied by severe depression and reluctance to live. A large number of suicides are associated precisely with the cause of complete despair. In this case, the person must literally be saved in every possible way.

Ways to deal with despair in life

From all of the above, we can conclude that despair can and should be fought. A self-respecting person will never allow circumstances to control his life. The state of despair is a pathology that must be gotten rid of in order to avoid a tragic ending.

Healers of human souls have developed a whole system of combating an insidious illness that destroys the essence of an individual. After all, life is something worth fighting for to the end.

Among the most common ways to get rid of despair, psychologists identify the following methods of eliminating the problem:

• Positive attitude. We create our own destiny, so blaming others for what happened is a thankless task. It is necessary to activate your so-called “happiness center”, which will help you avoid prolonged depression. You can become an egoist for a short period of time in order to recover from mental trauma. Despair is an insidious thing that triggers a mechanism of self-destruction. Therefore, in the fight against it, you need to pay as much attention to yourself as possible in order to later return to your loved ones and relatives as a completely different person.
• Activation of the “chain of positivity”. In this case, I immediately remember the animated film “Just Like That,” which, in terms of its semantic load, has no restrictions in terms of age category. A boy with a pure soul and just a good mood brought several characters of the animated video out of a state of depression and despair. From what has been described, we can conclude that an excellent means of fighting against despair is not voluptuous sobbing in the circle of one’s own kind, but communication with cheerful optimists.
• Full contact with family and friends. Another proven method of eliminating the state of despair from life is the healing of wounds within the family circle. If the betrayal occurred on their part, then you can always find solace in a conversation with trusted friends. It is very rare that a person has no one to turn to for help. Perhaps, simply in a depressed state, he does not notice those who are truly dear to him. The popular saying that “a husband loves a healthy wife, and a brother loves a rich sister” is unacceptable among decent people with clear moral principles. In this case, you will have a chance to check your environment, further removing unreliable hypocrites from it.
• Finding an interesting hobby. Nothing helps when you're feeling down like doing something fun. You should remember what you liked back in childhood. A period of despair in a person’s life is a great opportunity to make up for lost time. If modeling was your thing, then you can try your hand at pottery. If you want to paint pictures without having any visible talent for painting, you should also not deprive yourself of the chance of rehabilitation. It’s not for nothing that anti-depressant coloring books and paintings with the outline of a future masterpiece have become very popular today. Even self-improvement in artistic whistling will by no means be a shameful thing when it comes to saving one’s destiny.
• Occupational therapy. Many people, after the loss of a loved one, plunge headlong into work, trying to load themselves to the maximum. This often works, because the soul sometimes hurts even more precisely in idleness. Serf Stepan from the famous movie “Formula of Love” clearly articulated the state of hypochondria and despair. A simple man accurately calculated the master's problem, which lay in inaction and stupid doubts.
• Quitting bad habits or limiting them. Only naive people or convinced alcoholics believe that hops can dull periodically occurring mental pain. The only gain with this lifestyle is a systematic hangover, which is unlikely to add color to the life of a desperate person. Those who are accustomed to “eat up” their grief with a cigarette instead of nutritious food will also have to experience the feeling of despair more than once when illnesses arise later.

Attention! If all of the above methods of dealing with despair have not been successful, then a visit to a psychotherapist is recommended. You just need to find a competent and trusted specialist so as not to get into a session with a charlatan.

Folk methods of dealing with despair

Since ancient times, people have tried different methods of eradicating mental illnesses. There were no psychotherapists at that time, and not everyone could afford to be sad and grieve during the struggle for survival.

People's advice on how to deal with despair looked like this:

1. Prayer. The church has always been one of the most popular means of helping people. If a problem arose, people recommended that they retire to a secluded place to offer prayer to God. Then one had to light a lamp or church candle and stand in front of the icon necessary for the ritual. It was believed that it was best to appeal to John Chrysostom, Nicholas the Wonderworker, Jesus the Pantocrator and, of course, the Mother of God. The next step for our ancestors was the prayer “Our Father” and repentance for the sins committed. In conclusion, it was advised to read an appeal specifically to the Saint in front of whose icon the ritual was performed.
2. CONSPIRACY. Superstition has always been inherent in man, so people often resorted to such things. In this case, it was recommended to take a piece of white cloth or a scarf and go with it to the church that was located next to the cemetery. Having given alms to the suffering at the holy monastery, it was necessary to feed the birds with the bread they brought with them. Then candles should be lit to those saints on whom hope was placed for deliverance from despair. The final action of our ancestors during the conspiracy ritual was to walk through the cemetery strictly clockwise and read the appropriate spell at the exit from it. This had to be done while facing the graves, while holding a white scarf in the left hand. The words of the conspiracy looked something like this: “In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit! Your servant has come to the threshold of the kingdom of the dead (the name given at baptism was called). He did not bring death with him, but only his black sadness and hateful thoughts. Let it all remain in the damp earth among those who will never return. Let them keep my unkind thoughts and hateful sadness. To everything I have said - an iron lock, steel locks and a stone canopy. Forever and ever. Amen!". The final touch of the ritual is leaving a crumpled scarf in the cemetery, throwing nine coins over the shoulder with the right hand with the comment that everything has been paid.
3. ethnoscience. If despair arose among seriously ill people, then ordinary people advised to read a prayer in front of the “All-Tsarina” icon, while calling on the Mother of God. This had to be done regularly, taking decoctions and infusions of medicinal herbs between rituals. Each disease had its own healing plant, but in case of illness this was the preferred prayer. To calm down during depression, which led to despair, it was recommended to drink infusions of knotweed (1 teaspoon per 2 glasses of water), mint (in a 1:1 ratio) and chicory roots (20 g of raw material per glass of boiling water).

How to deal with despair - watch the video:

More and more people are wondering how to avoid despair. Searching for an answer leads nowhere, because the answer lies deep in the subconscious. And you cannot overcome despair on your own, that is, by focusing on yourself and your problem. Fighting despair alone is much more difficult, especially if there is no clear understanding of the causes of despair or despondency.

There seems to be no way out. There is only despair all around, and you are on the edge. All that remains is to hold your breath and doomedly step down into the vacuum, into complete despair. And stay there, perhaps forever...

Psychology of despair

The state of despair is a very difficult feeling, and it is not easy to live with. In the modern world, with its frantic pace, many people are on the verge of despair. They ask themselves or psychology professionals - how not to fall into despair, continue to live, fight, look for solutions to problems?

To understand the reasons why a person’s despair comes from, and to find the answer to the question of how not to fall into despair when on the brink, you first need to define what despair is.

1. Despair is primarily an emotional state. It can also be a deep emotion of bitter disappointment in life and everything connected with it. For example, a person repeatedly made efforts and did not achieve results.

2. Despair is based on deep discomfort and severe dissatisfaction with any life situation or with the whole world in general.

3. Despair implies the absence of a motivational factor: a state of apathy, inability to overcome life's difficulties and ignorance of how to do this.

Thus, despair as an emotion is the result of a feeling of dissatisfaction with life due to its lack of understanding; it is deeply connected with all functions of human life. Long-term exposure may lead to depression.

A person falls into a state of extreme despair or is in a state of melancholy, deep despondency - as a result of dissatisfaction with life. When despair occurs, a person needs immediate psychological help.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan accurately determines where despair arises in a person. In addition, it explains which people tend to remain in a state of despair for a long time, and who can experience every minute despair due to any events. And most importantly, it answers the question of how not to fall into despair or how to overcome it.

Where does a person’s state of despair come from?

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows that any person has individual innate properties that determine the role of this person in society and the way of enjoying life.

Thus, a person born and aspiring to material and social success may experience despair if he loses his property or social status. System-vector psychology defines such people as owners of the skin vector. They are aimed at conquering peaks, and if some kind of trouble occurs, in most cases this will be the motivation to overcome the problem and find a way out of it in any way.

People with the skin vector have a very quick reaction and mental flexibility, which makes them adaptive in any life situations. If despair sets in, it is unlikely that a person with a skin vector will remain in this state for a long time. Most likely, he will try to solve the problem as quickly as possible. “Desperation arose - what to do? It’s clear - look for a way out!”

Another category of people who may experience despair are people with an anal vector. Quite stable in themselves - guardians of traditions, friendship and respect - they do not like change. They can be driven into despair if you constantly interrupt, tug, and do not allow them to finish the job in peace. They also value their family and everything connected with it very much, so the loss of their family can lead them to despair.

When despair is greater than man

In addition, the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan shows two more types of despair, which can be insurmountable and lead to disastrous consequences.

The first type of despair arises from the loss or severance of an emotional connection with a loved one, an animal, or even an inanimate object. It depends on the level of development of properties. This is how people with a visual vector perceive the world. By nature they are the most sensual, emotional and sensitive. They are capable of loving “to the point of madness” and even sacrificing their lives for the sake of love.

When a person with a visual vector loses the object of his love, he can fall into a state of deep despondency and melancholy. To attract attention, he may even try to stage suicide without intending to complete this action.

For people with a visual vector, experiencing diverse and vivid emotions is very important. They, like no one else, are able to feel and convey any emotion in all its beauty and intensity. People with a visual vector usually do not wonder how not to fall into despair, as such. They fall into despair only when their emotional connections are severed and they cannot be restored.

When such a person loses a loved one, becomes desperate and believes that there is no longer any point in living without him or without her, there is usually a long period of despondency and melancholy, tears and consolations, after which you can try to put your emotions in order again, creating a new emotional connection with another person. At the same time, the pain of loss may remain forever, dulling and losing its original sharpness.

The most difficult case of despair is despair in the sound vector. Here, as the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, despair borders on hopelessness. Dejection, darkness, not knowing where to go, I don’t want to live. And deep depression. This is a constant state of being on the edge - “I’m about to fall apart.” There is no more strength to fight the feeling of despair, to look for a way out of the situation. “How tired I am of this vain world and meaningless living in it!” This is the state of true despair.

Real, crushing, overwhelming despair and a feeling of complete dissatisfaction with life, no matter what you do, is despair in the sound vector. Some seek relief in alcohol and drugs. Does not help. Or it helps, but only for a short time. Then the emptiness of loneliness and the feeling of despair return with even greater itching force.

In fact, only people with a sound vector truly think about the meaning of despair - about how not to fall into this state and how to get out of it.

Despair: what to do if a problem arises

We looked at four types of despair or states similar to this emotion, from the point of view of system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan:

Despair in the skin vector - from large financial losses or deprivation of social status;

Despair in the anal vector - from the loss of family as the most important value and priority in life;

Despair in the visual vector - from the loss of a deep emotional connection;

Despair in the sound vector comes from a lack of understanding of oneself and the inability to realize one’s innate desires and properties.

In the case of the first three vectors, worry - how not to fall into despair - is not their internal issue, nor a life priority, since the feeling of despair for them is a consequence of external factors that they do not control.

As for people with a sound vector, looking from the outside, it is not clear why they experience a feeling of despair and hopelessness “out of nowhere,” that is, without obvious reasons. So, the main thing is how to overcome or not fall into despair - what to do?

The fact is that nature has endowed people with a sound vector with great abstract intelligence and a tremendous ability to concentrate thoughts. That is, the ability to create thought forms, to think. Due to these given properties, they tend to be in thought and receive great pleasure from it.

But it happens, for various reasons, a person with a sound vector does not use the entire volume of his psyche or cannot concentrate at a given moment in his life, and therefore cannot find and formulate a thought.

And then, at this point, frustration arises, that is, the lack of fulfillment of desire and, as a result, the enjoyment of life. A person in this state loses the ability to concentrate on the world around him, people and noise from the outside begin to irritate him. Then the person with the sound vector goes deep into himself, into his thoughts, where he searches and does not find an answer to the questions that trouble him.

And again there is a wall, there is no way out. Again, life has no meaning. Despair and disappointment - one after another. Pointless search for yourself. Again the whole world is against him, and no one understands him.

Therefore, people with a sound vector in a state of despair or close to it wonder about the meaning of their existence. They are looking for an answer on how not to fall into despair or how to deal with despair and its cause, but they do not find it. Then despair creeps up unnoticed in the sound vector, and silence sets in...

How not to fall into despair

Dejection, an attempt to find answers within oneself - all this is the other side of the coin of the limitless possibilities of the sound mind. As the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains, any person is able to feel joy in life and realize their potential, as well as overcome despair, if they know and understand their own psyche.

So, we have already seen that only people with a sound vector truly and seemingly unreasonably fall into despair. Now let's see how to deal with despair, knowing the reasons for its occurrence.

Only the realization of innate properties can make any person happy. In fact, a feeling of despair in any vector can be provoked by negative events that deprive a person of his values. Knowing and understanding what these values ​​are and what caused certain events can help a person with any vector get out of a state of despair. Because the understanding of one’s life priorities and the priorities of other people, their psyche and desires, which system-vector psychology provides, helps combat feelings of despair.

As for the sound vector, these people, in order not to fall into despair, need to understand themselves, their psyche, as well as the psyche of other people. For them, this is one of the basic desires - to understand and understand the essence of man, to find out the root cause of everything. It was people with a sound vector who invented science, philosophy, literature, poetry, music. This is all the result of searching their mind, thinking about the question “Who am I?” Why am I living?

The article was written using materials from online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Read often

These twelve points were written by Anne Lamott, an American writer, political activist and public figure. Her books, full of self-deprecating humor, are largely autobiographical and explore topics such as alcoholism, life as a single mother, depression and Christianity.

Anne Lamott

I live with my seven-year-old grandson, he sleeps not far from me. Sometimes, just waking up, he exclaims: “You know what? This could be the best day of my life!” But it also happens that in the middle of the night he asks in a trembling voice: “Granny, is it true that you will someday get sick and die?”

In my opinion, this perfectly demonstrates that his inner world is a hodgepodge of joyful anticipation and chilling fears. Just like you and me. So a few days before my 61st birthday, I decided to make as comprehensive a list as possible of the things that do neither of those things to me. There is very little that is reliable in the flow of information these days, so it is nice to have at least a few immutable truths in stock.

One of them is that I am not 47 for a long time, although this is exactly the age I feel myself to be and this is the number of years I am used to mentally ascribing to myself. My friend Paul, in his late seventies, often said that he felt like a young man with whom there was simply something wrong. Our true identity is not subject to time and space, but by looking at the documents, I can always be sure that I was born in 1954. Although my inner self does not age and not a single age from which I supposedly emerged has left me. They are all with me.

Right now I'm 20, 30, and 50 - as old as I've ever been. As do you. I will note, however, that I should have been less conscientious in following the skin care rules generally accepted in the 1960s. As you remember, back then people sunbathed frantically, dousing themselves from head to toe in baby oil and placing more foil reflectors around them.

However, when I honestly admitted to myself that the agony of middle age was behind me, a gigantic stone fell from my soul. I decided to immediately write down everything that I considered to be truly true. I often meet depressed and sad people, they never stop asking me questions: what is true and what is false? I dare to hope that my list will be useful for those who are close to despair, and will help them sketch out at least some kind of action plan.

paint by Marten Jansen

1. Any truth is paradoxical

The first and most reliable truth: any truth is paradoxical. Life is a precious, immeasurably beautiful gift and at the same time an unbearable punishment. The worst combination for those with a sensitive soul. There are so many hardships and strange things in this world that sometimes you wonder: is it all a joke? Heartbreaking beauty and kindness, terrible poverty, floods and babies, acne and the music of Mozart are intertwined here. The system is not the most ideal.

2. Reboot rule

Almost any thing will work properly again if you turn it off for a few minutes. And this applies to you too.

3. Search within

Almost everything that can make you happy for a long time can only be found within yourself. Exception: you are on the waiting list for a donor organ. You can't buy or earn peace, you can't invite healthy self-esteem on a date. This is the most disgusting truth, it personally outrages me. But everything important really comes from inner work, and we cannot do it for others, no matter how much we love them.

Someone else's peace of mind is beyond our control. Everyone must find their own path, their own answers to important questions. When your adult child begins his hero's journey, you can't run around with sunscreen and chapstick in hand. You should let him go, at least out of respect. And if it’s about someone else, then most likely you have no idea how to help. Our help is usually useless and often even harmful. Behind the desire to help lies the desire to control. So stop already, stop helping. Let at least someone hide from your virtue.

4. Radical self-acceptance

Each of us is a screwed up, broken, self-satisfied and scared character. Even the one who seems to be fine. You won't believe how similar other people's problems are to your problems. So try not to compare your inner feelings with what others show you. This will definitely not do any good.

And one more thing: you cannot save anyone, correct them or force them to quit. What made me quit drinking and drugs 30 years ago? My behavior deteriorated catastrophically, my thoughts became confused and ran away. Then I turned for help and began to rely on higher powers. There is a version that the word “God” stands for “Grace of Desperate Grief” (editor’s note: in the original G-O-D, Gift of Desperation - literally “despair given from above”). But you can put it in a less pompous way: in the end, I degenerated faster than I could lower the demands on myself. So you can say I came to God when there were no more good ideas left.

Trying to fix, protect or save someone is a waste of time. But radical self-acceptance is a quantum that you will begin to emit into the atmosphere, like a breath of fresh air. Believe me, this is the most valuable gift for the universe. And if someone accuses you of arrogance or selfishness, just smile mysteriously, like the Mona Lisa, and prepare a cup of aromatic tea for both of you. To respond with love to the most stupid, short-sighted, capricious and unpleasant manifestations of human nature means to be one family with them. This is the first step towards world peace.

5. Chocolate should be delicious

Chocolate with 75% cocoa content is not suitable for food. The best way to use it is to place a piece in a snake trap. Or place it under the leg of a rickety stool.

6. Bird by bird

Every writer you know has terrible first drafts. The secret is that their asses are nevertheless firmly glued to the work chair. This may be the only difference between them and you. They set aside time for this. They make a promise to themselves and keep their word. For them it is a matter of honor. They sit down and let the stories pass through them - step by step, day by day.

When my older brother was in fourth grade, he had a test on bird species that he hadn't even begun to study for. Then his father sat down next to him, grabbing Audubon’s book (John James Audubon - American naturalist, ornithologist and animal artist, author of Birds of America), paper and pencil, and then said: “Take your time, buddy, give me the bird.” for the bird. Just read about the pelican and then tell it in your own words. Then read about the tit and tell me what you learned about it. And then about the geese.”

These are the two most important principles of writing: bird by bird and truly terrible drafts. And if you don’t know where to start, remember: every story that ever happened to you belongs only to you, and only you can tell it.
By the way, if people want you to go easy on them in your book, tell them that they should have behaved better. Believe me, it will be terrible if one day you wake up and realize that you have never written down anything that has been kept in the box of your heart all your life - your stories, memories, ideas and songs, your truth, your views on life. At the end of the day, that's all you have to offer others. And this is the reason why you were born.

7. Disruptive success

Book publishing and other creative successes will traumatize you. After them you need to recover. Success has destroyed as many authors as its absence. You cannot even imagine what suffering he will cause you, how he will try to destroy and change you. Personally, I have not met people more vicious and worse than male authors who have released a notable bestseller. And at the same time (back to the first point) publication is simply wonderful: your thoughts are printed on printing paper, your stories are read and told to friends.

Just try, please, to get rid of the illusion that publishing a book will in some sense heal you, patch up the gaps in your soul. Holding a freshly printed work in your hands will not cure your troubles. But you might get there one day if you keep writing. Sing in a choir or play country music. You will work in your free time as a volunteer painter. Watch the birds. Caring for old dogs that have no one else to take care of.

8. Hard work

Family is hard, hard, hard work, even if you have wonderful people as relatives. Again, see point one. If at a family gathering you feel ready to kill yourself or your neighbor, try to remember that the conception and birth of any of us is a true miracle.

Life is a school of forgiveness. You can start learning by first forgiving yourself, and then gradually it will come to the dinner table with your family. There, this important internal work can be done without getting out of your home pants. When William Blake wrote that we are all “sent here to have the eye accustomed to the rays of love,” he could not help but know that the intimate part of this experience will be directly connected with your family. Even if the mere sight of your relatives makes you want to rush headlong out of the room, crying out for help, don’t give up, you will succeed. Work like Cinderella and the results will amaze you.

9. Proper nutrition

Food. Try a little better. I think you know what I mean.

10. Lifebuoy

Compassion is the metaphysical equivalent of the penetrating oil that can fill all the cracks, our spiritual lifeline. Its main paradox is that God loves Henry Kissinger, Vladimir Putin and me as much as your newborn grandson. Understand it as you wish. An act of mercy can change us from the inside, heal us, redeem us from the hardships of life. How to describe the principle of its operation in a nutshell? Call for help and buckle up tight. Compassion will catch you on the spot, but with its help you will travel from one point in your life to another. Unfortunately, it won't come in the form of a friendly ghost named Casper, but the phone will ring or a letter will arrive... and suddenly, in spite of everything, a life-giving sense of self-irony will return to you.

Laughter is the carbonated form of holiness: breath by breath it brings us back to life, helping us to believe in the best again. And remember - compassion always has the last word. If it doesn't come, it means it's not the end yet.

11. God is like a cosmic muffin

God is good. He's not that scary. It is simply a loving mind that can breathe life into us. Or, as the author of the wonderful “Deteriorata” put it, a “cosmic muffin” altogether. In my opinion, the most appropriate definition of God for everyday life is “not me.”

Emerson wrote that the happiest man in the world is the one who learns from nature the art of public service. Walk more often, look around. I once heard from my pastor that you can catch a bee in a glass jar without even closing it with a lid. The bees simply do not look up, but continue to crawl back and forth and sadly beat on the glass. So go outside. Look up. That's the whole secret for you.

12. The road home

And finally, death. Number twelve. Both delight and horror. When people you can't live without die, it's unbearable. You will never recover from these losses, and despite our cultural attitudes, you shouldn't. We Christians look at death as a global change of address. But no matter what religion you belong to, your loved ones will live in your hearts, unless you yourself oppose it. As Leonard Cohen said: “There are cracks in everything. This is how light gets in.” This is how light penetrates us. And so we can feel that our loved ones are regaining life.
Other people have enormous power over us. Sometimes they make us burst out laughing at the most inopportune moments. And that's great. But their loss can still become a lifelong nightmare in which you endlessly miss home and can’t get there. Living through grief, friends, time and tears will heal your wound to one degree or another. Tears will be the moisture that will wash you, bless you and nourish the soil under your feet.

Do you know what the Lord’s first words to Moses were? He said, “Take off your sandals from off your feet.” Because this is holy land, although everything indicates otherwise. It’s hard to believe, but this is the truest truth I know: our planet is the Promised Land. When you get a little older (like yours truly), you will realize that death is as sacred a gift as birth. However, you shouldn't worry too much about her. Mind your own business. Almost every death is a quiet, calm event in the circle of relatives. You don't have to do it alone. Close people will help you gently move to where everyone will one day find themselves. As Ram Dass wrote: “When all that needs to be done is said and done, we simply walk each other home.”

You can also watch a video of this lecture in English:

Good afternoon I would like to immediately apologize for my question - I will not be original, because “my” topic is not new: I am almost 36 years old, I am single, I have no husband and children and never have had one. I am an attractive girl, there are no problems in communication, I am a cheerful, friendly and sociable person, I have many acquaintances, I do not suffer from an inferiority complex, or delusions of “grandeur” - I do not specifically look for shortcomings in men in order to refuse them. But there is no close person either. I'm very worried about this. I’ve read a lot of literature on this topic, psychologists advise not to get hung up, spend more time in crowded places, and find an interesting job. Yes, yes, I have interesting classes, I read a lot, I study a foreign language, I went to dances. But the topic of marriage is a sore subject for me, I really want a family, not just formally for the sake of image, but a strong family based on love and mutual understanding, children. Doctors are already frightening me that in a few years I will no longer be able to give birth; old age is of no use to anyone. I noticed that I was giving up, I began to think about death as a way of getting rid of this worthless life. On the advice of psychologists, I help others who are worse off than me - with kind words, deeds, and, if possible, money. I go to church, confess and receive communion, although not regularly. I’m embarrassed to talk about this topic with the priest of our parish. I sat on dating sites and found either Muslim migrant workers, or married people, or boys who were sexually preoccupied. They sit mostly out of boredom.
Tell me - how can I find out God’s will about myself? Maybe I’m not destined to be a wife and mother at all. Then how to calm down, how to stop hoping, live with the idea that you have such a fate, and come to terms with it.

I recently found out that one friend got married, another found a man, there’s just a stagnant swamp around me, I don’t have any changes. And then I realized that I was very jealous, I had never suffered such a sin, and painful envy was added to despondency and despair. I don't want to live. Without a family, you are an incomplete person, then why smoke the sky here? Unexpectedly, on the Internet I came across a book by Orthodox author Vladimir Cherepanov, “Secrets of Family Happiness.” I read it for a long time - it literally brought me back to life. If you can’t start a family, look for the wormhole in yourself and get rid of it. I'm quick-tempered, rude - yes. Touchy - yes. Sometimes I drink - yes. Etc. Envious? Already Yes. We urgently need to correct ourselves, the author writes, because God does not give bad people families. The author writes - go in for sports, lose weight if you are fat, etc. I took this into account and am struggling with myself. Only one thing is not clear to me - before my eyes there are examples of the opposite - a colleague, a girl who is very plump, masculine, rude, constantly quarrels, including with us, is hot-tempered... but she lives with a man. It turns out that God sent her family happiness. But, in my opinion, Cherepanov is still right - it is necessary to get rid of bad habits, including excess weight, it will always be useful in life.

Please advise how not to despair, I really want to create a good family and work for it. I'm just dying spiritually. I read prayers every day. But every day I think about my biological age and am horrified. “Women’s” time is already ticking by the clock - soon you can be left without children, especially since your health is not so great.

Friends advise me to give birth for myself - as I understand it, this is a sin. On the other hand, there is inexorable biological time. In a couple of years, nothing will be possible. Many priests advise taking a child from an orphanage - unfortunately, the income does not allow it, I cannot support both myself and the child on my own.

Help me please! I understand that no one will help you except yourself. But these are not words, believe me, I am working on myself, trying to fight the sin of despondency and despair, changing. But there is still an icy melancholy of despair in my soul. I don’t want to take on self-pity and the role of victim, but I still can’t change it. And no hobbies, etc. I can’t compensate for this loneliness. The most important thing is that I’m not bored with myself, but I’m already tired of being alone, I want to earn a family from the Lord. It's real? Or is it not given to everyone? All my friends and those around me are surprised - why nothing is working out for me, if only I had a man, and I would ruin all the relationships myself - but nothing is clear...

Complete despair: how to survive the storm of life

September 22, 2017 - 2 comments

Complete despair occurs when the irreparable happens and it seems that nothing can be changed. How to live on when bitter despair and melancholy torment the hearts of those abandoned by loved ones, how to survive the despair of a person who has lost his job or livelihood and is gripped by panic. But the most hopeless may be the despair of those who are tired of struggling in search of the meaning of life. When despair sets in, the future seems completely dark.

Let's try to step back for a moment from difficult experiences and together see what caused the strongest despair, because by understanding the reason, we also find a point of support. How to find a way out and overcome complete despair - we understand the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

If despair is such a universal feeling, then maybe the means to combat despair can be just as universal? Happens.

Yuri Burlan reveals how the human psyche works, and these awarenesses about ourselves and others, about the reasons for our actions and reactions, in a surprising but quite natural way, give us the grounding under our feet. Increases stress resistance and allows you to survive difficult periods. You realize why you feel bad and see your reserves, which can be difficult to feel in a state of complete despair. Let's look at the problem of complete despair using examples.

The state of despair in a person who has lost love

A hyper-emotional and sensitive owner of the visual vector can be driven into despair by the severance of an emotional connection or the loss of a loved one. And the stronger the connection, the closer the person the viewer lost was, the stronger the person’s despair. Despondency sets in, it seems that you will never be able to love again. It is impossible to remain in such a state for a long time, and then despair can be replaced by complete apathy regarding love; a person may never love anyone in his entire life.

When this kind of despair strikes, what should a desperate viewer do? Realize your nature, characteristics, your purpose in this world with the help of systemic knowledge about the psyche. And although in moments of complete hopelessness and despair the whole world is not nice, it is worth making an effort on yourself, coming out of the shell of experiences that are, in fact, focused on yourself, and being able to direct all your emotionality, oppressing with pain from within, to help another. In a surprising way, this changes everything.

For a visual vector with an innate desire for compassion, empathy, and love, this is the only sure way to get rid of the feeling of despair at the thought that love is lost forever.

Here is what those who were able to overcome the despair of breaking an emotional connection write about it:

“...I was terribly afraid of him, to the point of noticeable uncontrollable trembling in my legs and arms, to the point of fainting. And at the same time it was an emotional and sexual addiction that went away unnoticed and forever. I really wanted to break up and left him. And this began... I started training at the most decisive and difficult moment in my life. He could barely contain his aggression.

Everything I heard at the training was not at all surprising, everything was so natural and real... And at some point everything changed, I became the mistress of the situation. From nothing - into strength and desire to live. Unconsciously even then (only now I realized this) I stopped provoking him at all and, moreover, at critical moments I said what he wanted to say. And thereby protected herself. ..."

The desperate state of a man who has lost money

There are completely different reasons for despair in a person with a skin vector. Skin people are quite secretive, and you don’t often hear them asking for help, but they can still experience complete hopelessness from not knowing what to do next.

For the owner of the skin vector, it is very important to live better than those around him, to be the first in everything. A very important indicator of such a life is money. And if suddenly a leather worker cannot earn enough money or for some reason loses the capital he has earned, this can plunge him into despair for a long time. A complete lack of understanding of where to move next makes life on the brink of despair not a life, but an existence.

When this kind of despair overtakes, what should the unfortunate skinner do? Deep despair in a person with a skin vector occurs in the same way as in a spectator - from the fact that a false thought arises about the impossibility of getting back on his feet. It seems that along with money and position in society, some important part of oneself is lost. However, it is not.

You can fight these obsessive thoughts with the help of a full awareness of your properties at the training of Yuri Burlan System-vector psychology. Innate qualities and properties do not disappear under the influence of external factors. Fear may appear, complete uncertainty about the future and one’s actions, but the qualities received at birth by a person remain with him forever.

A man in despair: a way out of a bad state

To summarize, we can give a small list of tips for the owner of any vector in the case when despair overcomes:

• understand the reason that led to despair at a deep, unconscious level (at the level of vectors and innate properties);
• realize your natural properties - this will allow you to find ways to slowly come out and realize yourself;
• act.

The most difficult thing to experience is complete hopelessness for a person with a sound vector, who suffers from a feeling of the meaninglessness of life. When despair sets in and the sound engineer doesn’t know what to do, destructive methods can be used. For example, drugs. If a viewer can find love, and a leather worker can find money in the world around us, then a sound artist, in search of the meaning of life, can experience complete despair, because it seems that everything has already been tried, but nothing fills him with a sense of meaning.

At the System-Vector Psychology training by Yuri Burlan, a person with a sound vector finds answers to questions that interest him. Just like many have already done.